SCREW YOU STUPID JCTS, I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU!
I'm gonna conquer the A's.
Well we've gotten back both our Sciences today and it pretty horrendous crap. I'm totally devastated by my results even though I might not appear to be. After all, what can you do? Cry? Not like my tears will miraculously drip on the red ink and change the marks like how tears can wake people up from a coma in some rubbish drama serials.
I remembered telling Jessica, 'Nothing below a D for JCTs!' Was that too ambitious a goal? Maybe it was. Then how about my goal of getting a scholarship? Is that too ambitious too? Is that too hard to achieve? Can I even come close to it? Because I'm so far off from meeting my expectations this time round.
You might say that I probably studied in the wrong way. Yes, everyone can see that. No matter how much I study, how hard I try, it doesn't show in my results. But the excuse of studying it the wrong way doesn't really help counter the way I feel. I mean, yeah I know, it's pretty obvious right? I mean you look at yourself put in the hours of study, you look at yourself in the mirror looking so tired and shagged, you can't help but feel depressed and demoralised, that all your efforts have been in vain? I can laugh when teachers are going through the paper like, 'Oh, HAHA I got zero for this question.' blah blah blah but can you tell how I'm trying to contain myself?
I don't believe in crying over grades. I don't believe in gathering sympathy from others. I don't believe in finding excuses why I scored so badly.
I'm not someone who is competitive, who wants to be at the top, who scowls at people who get higher scores. I'm not someone who gets affected by people bragging about their scores or how their are unsatisfied. I'm also not someone who finds comfort in knowing that other people scored around the same as me or even lower.
I don't know. I'm just terribly unhappy right now. I'm not just bad at academics, I'm also bad at life, and with people.
( SO this is what happened D: HAHA! )
Really had a wonderful wonderful time, thank you kids! :D
To view ALL the humiliating pictures,
Part 1: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=10
Part 2: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=10
Haha.
Alright, so after tuition, headed over to Orchard to meet J for stationary shopping! :D
( Read more about my wonderful day! :D )
- Mood:
happy
Right now I'm at SRC waiting for my ham and cheese sandwich! Just finished my swim and I feel a lot fitter and refreshed! Heh. Okay luh I'm just bored cos Pops is doing work on his laptop and ignoring me D;
SRC is such a wonderful and quiet place! Although the pool is really hot (since it's indoors) it wasn't very crowded today, and unlike public pools! Anyway I had a lot of fun looking at children playing on the slide at the baby pool and even more children having swimming lessons at the other side of the pool I was in, holding on to floats and kicking water everywhere hehheh. And then I also see 2 groups of aunties on both ends of the pool chit-chatting. I wonder if they know it's a swimming pool and not a spa haha. No matter how many laps I swim, they'll still be there with only their bodies submerged in water and their hair dry. Haha.
After tuition later I'll be meeting dear J (again D; LOL) to shop for stationary at Art Friend! It's actually for my NAFA course la. But it'll be fun! And then we'll head over to Food For Thought for dinner! (rmb, Tian? Haha)
Okay! My food is here! ;) I'll post more about today and my course later! ;D
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I've got my rough study timetable for A's all planned out and a detailed one for the coming week!
I'm quite excited to follow it (oops, mugger me.) probably cos of the scholarship fair! So, all the way Grace! :D
- Music:Something About You - Five for Fighting
In the morning, I went to the PSC Career and Scholarship Fair with Flora to check out URA and HDB! I think future prospects in URA will be totally great and their scholarship offers are so enticing! Go Grace! You can do this! :D
Then I went to meet the Law and brought her to the park I've always wanted to explore. Beautiful view from the cafe at AMK Library. Haha.
After that, went to walk around AMK to kill time before buying dinner back for Mummy. Bought assessment books and all, looked at Games at Popular and the game shop at AMK Hub and OMG I WANNA BUY SIMSCITY! (I got reminded by the URA guy this morning also!) So anyway! This are my current wants. LOL. Doubt I'll get any of these but, still nice to wish right? HAHA.
- Mood:
content - Music:Don't Speak - No Doubt
JCTs were difficult, I mean which exam isn't? I don't think I'd do fantastic but I hope for passes, at least!
Today was quite a good and peaceful day (: Had lunch at Parkways's Jack's Place with CH and MY and then we walked around. After reaching home, I packed my whole room! Halfway though I went to run! 4km, leisure jog. It was tiring, but really satisfying after not exercising for so long D:
Yeah so anyway, as I was packing I found many cool stuff like, little notes from everyone, V's and MJ's Prelude card, my Japanese textbook with loads of notes and I realised I bought 2 useless magazines just cos Blair and Serena were on the covers! Zz, omg haha. Yeah, Anyway now everything's really neat, tidy and sparkling clean! :D
Haha, exciting.
- Mood:
pessimistic
Then J and I had an intense hardcore study session after that!
Oh ho, all the best to all for JCTs tomorrow! :D:D:D:D:D:D (Interior Design classes starts tomorrow too! D: Scary, but I hope it'll be fun!)
Then had dinner with the family and after that shopping with Benedict at Tampines 1! :D I ended up buying more things from ESPRIT haha. It was great fun! We had a good laugh at some weird little girl (maybe only lower primary) who went up to her mom and said 'ooh their bra very soft leh!' and got really excited talking about the many different possibilities of my future and what wondrous things we can do if I can reach my dream of studying in the UK.
Ah, exciting! Wimbledon, Roland Garros, Olympics! :D And loads of shopping woohoo!
- Mood:
thoughtful
As humans, we tend to be impatient and selfish. But there's no joy in surprises and sweet efforts if you get the things you expect right?
Things aren't that complicated. It's just the brain that exaggerates the problem and amplify how negative we feel.
So I have to learn to trust and stay optimistic. :D
If I ever figure all these out, I can go write a book about it and win a Nobel prize.
Ok luh, I don't follow this yr's tennis gland slams. BUT MASHA IS OUT? Already? It's the second round only! D:
Oh man ):
Alright, I'll be rooting for my usuals. Jankovic and Hantuchova! Go go! :D
- Music:Love Song - Sara Bareilles
Then anyway. I was running late for tuition. So I decided to cab down. Then halfway during the journey, my tuition tcher messaged and said she'll be late! And my cab fare amounted to $20+. Then while walking to the venue, I slipped and fell. I wasn't embarassed I was more of frustrated. Now my kness hurt ): then throughout the whole lesson I had a throbbing headache which got worst after I fell. Gah.
):
Cos I need you.
- Music:Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
Does it look nice? HAHAH.
Oh well, I think I wanna learn how to make fried udon next time!
Today I woke up at 12pm omg, with a horrible headache ):. It's the latest I've ever slept in until. (Heh, I'm a hardworking girl alright. Wake up bright and early everyday ;D) Went off to meet JLaw at a last minute notice!
Ah anyway, I haven't blogged like that in ages! Since I haven't been out on adventures and wonderful food dates. Well I had a wondrously wonderful time today! I've missed you in the holidays! D:
I'm sorry.
I guess I'm tired of giving and sometimes wish that I get something in return. As much as I would love to be ok without receiving something that's just for me specially, I can't. Maybe it's human nature.
Why do I doubt, when I know whatever I'm thinking is not true? Why do I question when I know it'll just hurt myself and hurt the other person? Why do I wanna do/not do anymore out of spite (even though I haven't put these to action) when I know nothing good will come out of it?
What is wrong with me! At this rate I'm just going to ruin everything in my life ):
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